Monday, January 3, 2011

Moments Not Forgotten: A Memory And A Snapshot

There are so many moments that I try so hard to hold on to, but as time fades away, the memories become more faint.

This is one of my favorite pictures.  It was taken on my cell phone, which has a way of distorting things (like Jellybean's head) so that they don't appear to be the correct size in proportion to the rest of the picture.  (In fact, when I texted this picture out to friends and family they all commented on how big she was--but she was actually a fairly small baby.)  The resolution is crappy.  But this shot remains a favorite.  It was taken when I first brought Jellybean home from the hospital. 

Right before this picture was taken, my mom attempted to hold her for just a minute so that I could get something to eat.  Jellybean cried her little newborn eyes out until my mom handed her back to me.  The moment she was back in my arms, the crying stopped.  That was the most wonderful feeling in the world.  She wanted me.  For once, I was the one with the magic touch.  My baby.  Breathtaking.

As I write this, I realize how easily I have forgotten that feeling.  Sometimes when she is whining for me and I can't so much as go to the bathroom by myself, I get frustrated.  Just a minute alone, please!  I have taken that feeling for granted--being the momma.  Being the one who can always make it better.  How could I so easily lose sight of just how lucky I am?

I seem to find myself fighting for space now, not realizing how much it will totally suck when I get that space that I've been craving.  One of these days she is going to be thirteen and will be too old to be held.  She will turn sixteen and spending time with me won't be her favorite thing in the whole world.  She will turn twenty and then twenty-five and she will marry some guy and I won't even be her go-to person anymore.  And all I will have is the memory and this snapshot.


  1. cute picture.

    'Cept you are never too old to be held by your Mama. Never.

    mama to 8
    ages 19-2...all who still need their Mama.

  2. Kimmie is right. We outgrow our parents while we are busy learning our complete independence, but at 35 years old I still need my mom. Matter of fact, I bawled my eyes out on her shoulder the last time she was here. But the memories you are building with her are definitely meant to last you a lifetime. Love this sweet pic!

  3. so sweet. I know the feeling of just wanted them to go away for a few minutes a day but then missing them like crazy when you're away all day. Don't worry kids never out grow there mommas. I know I still call mine when I need something, when I'm sick, when I'm happy. I love that I have a mommas boy and hope that a tiny piece of him always stays that way (but that he doesn't live in my basement at 35).