Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Posh Tots: For Tots Who Are Posh And Parents Who Are Out of Their Minds

If you haven't shopped at, then you simply haven't lived.

They believe that a child's room isn't just a place to sleep.  It's a place to play, learn and dream; an environment where a child can enjoy all the simple pleasures of being a child.  And the only way to accomplish that for your children is to purchase items that are at equal or greater value of your family's vehicle.  Or local school bus.  Whatever.

My child's ass will never be changed on anything less than the Braided Vintage Versatile Dresser/Changing Table WITH Gold Accents for $3,542.00.  I mean, she just might break out in hives if she were to be changed on any surface that wasn't accented with gold. 

And I would be absolutely mortified if I were the only mom at the playground without a diaper tote made from 100% calf skin leather for $169.00.  Because if at least three baby cows weren't slaughtered to create this product, it simply isn't fit to hold my child's diapers and Cheerios!

If your little princess isn't drifting into dreamland in one of these bad boys, then you clearly just don't love her enough.  Okay, seriously?  Who the hell would actually purchase this for their spoiled brat?  Is this website even making money?  They won't even list the price, which means that this probably costs significantly more than your average two-story house, given that they will shamelessly list the prices of beds costing upwards of $50,000.  And why is this bed being modeled outside?  That is the only way I would consider purchasing a bed so ridiculous: if I were forcing my daughter to sleep outside. 

And if you love these products but your child is getting a little too old for the La Belle Au Bois Dormant Coach Bed, Posh Tots thought ahead with their line of beds specifically for tweens starting at $4,000.00. 

Of course, when your tween turns into a full-fledged teen (you know, two years from now) you will have to purchase him or her a real bed for a teenager because, well, otherwise it would just be embarrassing.

Seriously, Posh Tots, get real.  The only people who are buying your ridiculously-overpriced-hand-crafted-from-the-skin-of-dead-baby-animals-plated-with-gold-that-was-shat-out-of-the-ass-of-the-queen-of-England-but-daddy-all-of-the-other-kids-have-a-chandelier-in-their-bedrooms-and-besides-I-didn't-even-get-a-new-pony-this-year-merchandise are people who dress their kids like this:

So if you have three years' salary to spend, lottery money to blow, or if you want a good laugh, check out Posh Tot's website.

1 comment: