Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Divorces, Drug Tests & Court Dates, Oh My!

Something I have been too furious to think about lately, let alone blog about, is court.  We went back to court on February 8, in an effort to settle the divorce and the custody issue over Jellybean.  Again, W. showed up completely unprepared.  The drug and alcohol evaluation that was supposed to be completed in January, was not taken by him until the morning of our court date.  Really?  I mean, really, I don't understand how that is even remotely okay.  Way to wait until the last minute.  And why--oh, why!--would anyone want to wait until the last minute to prove that they are not on drugs...?  Hmmm   :-/

So everything was postponed.  Again.  Ugh!

Last week, I received a letter from my lawyer regarding the results of his drug and alcohol evaluation.  Of course, he passed.  (Why wouldn't he have?  He had from January--when he was supposed to have taken the evaluation--until February to get clean.)  What fuels my frustration further, are the lies that he provided the instructor of the evaluation.  These lies lead my lawyer to believe that the best thing we can do at this point is prepare for W. to receive Schedule A.  (In Ohio, Schedule A is where the noncustodial parent receives every-other weekend unsupervised, overnight visitation.)

I have found that sometimes your lawyer needs to be reminded of the situation at hand.  I understand that she sees hundreds of cases a year and after a while they may all begin to run together.  I am sure that she just wants to get this case over with at this point, as do I.  But I know that what I am fighting for is right and I will not back down.

I gathered up my journal information, and wrote the following letter to my lawyer:

"Dear LawyerLady,

I received a letter from you enclosed with the full report from W.'s drug and alcohol evaluation.  The report stated that W. did not begin drinking until the age of 21.  It also stated that he used to smoke marijuana, but has not used since 2009.  It was your advice that the court will probably try to move us into Schedule A based upon this information.  As I'm sure you have encountered situations like this before, it is not difficult to lie to someone about your drug/alcohol use.  It is my argument that Will was not being truthful in these statements. 

I have attached my journal, in which I have gone through and highlighted all of the dates in which I have already stated that W. came to visit with Jellybean while he was under the influence of marijuana or alcohol, or admitted that he needs to go to rehab to clean up.  I have also highlighted a couple of dates during which he was drinking at our home with his friends, before he turned 21.  This may prove that the information he provided the agency who performed the drug and alcohol information was false.

The report from the evaluation also stated that W. has been employed with {Auto Shop} for two years.  This is also untrue.  At the beginning of 2009, W. was employed with {Automall} in C.City.  That summer, he was hired by {Towing Company} in N. Village.  By the time our daughter was born in October 2009, he was already employed by {Muffler Shop} in A. City.  He was at {Muffler Shop} for quite a while, but went through spurts of getting into fights with his manager and quitting then going back.  I would have to assume that he has a lengthy employee file at {Muffler Shop}.  Sometime in 2010 he began working at {Auto Shop} in A. City.  Again, he went through spurts of getting into fights with managers and coworkers, quitting, getting fired, etc.  In October 2010, he was fired from {Auto Shop} and to the best of my knowledge, began working at {Muffler Shop} again under a new manager.  In December 2010, your office informed me that he was no longer employed with {Muffler Shop}.  When he appeared in court in February, he was once again working for {Auto Shop}.  If we can subpoena these places of employment and at least see his start/end dates for these various jobs, we should be able to prove that he was being untruthful in his evaluation.

The information you will find in my attached journal makes it pretty obvious, as you have stated before, that W.  has a record of mental instability.  The reason there is less and less evidence of this instability as time goes on, is that I have cut off all but necessary contact with him since October.

If, after reviewing this information, you still think that the court will find Schedule A in his favor, then you are right that we should get an agreement ready so that we are not unprepared.  I would like us to make it clear to the courts that we are not trying to rip W. out of Jellybean's life.  I definitely think that she should be able to see her father, and if anyone will take the time to read my journal, they will clearly see that I had been fighting tooth and nail to get him to pay some attention to our daughter during her first year of life, to no avail.  However, Will has always been violent and unstable, and I am truly scared of what could happen to her when I am not there to protect her.  She is my life, and I'm sure you understand that I just want her safe.

In addition, I would like to ask--wasn't he supposed to have that drug and alcohol evaluation completed before the end of January, via court order?  And regarding the parenting class that he is trying to get out of, am I correct in assuming that it is the same class that I have already completed?  It was my understanding that these things were supposed to be taken care of in a timely matter, but he seems to be able to get away with taking them whenever he damn well pleases.  I am a little frustrated that I busted my ass to make sure that I comply with everything the court asks of me, but he can take his good old time and still be given chance after chance.  I am, as I'm sure you are, completely furious that he didn't take his drug and alcohol evaluation until the morning of our court date.  I think we all know why someone would wait until the last minute to pee in a cup.

Thank you so much for all of the time and attention you have paid to this matter.  I really appreciate what you are doing for me and my daughter.

Amie (Blanketyblanklastname)"

I feel so awesome for being able to pull that information together, I think I  should have been a lawyer.  What is saving my ass right now--the detailed journal I have been keeping since W. and I were still together in July.  I encourage anyone who is in any sort of a sticky situation to journal your ass off!  Because at the end of the day, it's his "uhhh I don't remember" against your detailed desription of events.  And that, my friends, is your #1 tool in a custody battle.


  1. Gah!! I can't believe that they keep postponing it. How many chances are they going to give him before it gets to the point that they say "Enough is enough!"

    Good job choosing your battles Amie. I'm rooting for you and will send good thoughts your way.

  2. I've asked myself the same question. But I surely have HAD ENOUGH!